just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
