I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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