Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
