So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
