I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
