first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
