I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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