i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
