Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
