hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
