so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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