Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
