I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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