Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
