I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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