I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
