I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
