he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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