I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
