Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic

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(858): View more from California

I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume

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(708): View more from Illinois

Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash

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(505): View more from New Mexico

You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night

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(620): View more from Kansas

Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.

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(917): View more from New York City

I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy

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(512): View more from Texas

I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.

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(410): View more from Maryland

We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss

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