anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
