i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
