Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
