I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
