her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
