He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
