There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
