In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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