I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
