Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
