You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
