Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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