I heard we made out
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
