I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
