I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
MIDGETS
????
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
