Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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