too bad you live with your parents still
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
