i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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