I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
