I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
