I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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