Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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