Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i came on her dog
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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