His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
