yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
