Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
