I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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