i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
