So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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