we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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