Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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