please come you make the beer taste better
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Text me some of your sweat
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
